成长日记

9月的日记写着：

september's diary reads:

拿到团员证，我已经是个大人了！可以做我想做的事，可以不被管这管那了！我可以飞，高高地飞！

get the league membership card, i'm an adult! can do what i want to do, can not be in charge of this tube that! i can fly, fly high!

然后是什么呢？还是呆板的生活，一成不变地被父母管束着。

and then what？ it's still a rigid life. it's under the constant control of its parents.

10月的日记写着：

the diary of october reads:

墙上的时钟停了，我窗外的天是灰色的，想唱首歌，却唱不出来。妈妈的话成了我想磨炼自己的休止符，它让我的愿望破碎了。我在梦里唱歌，假装我的心还是自由的。

the clock on the wall stopped. the sky outside my window was gray. i wanted to sing a song, but i couldn't sing it. my mother's words became a stop for me to practice myself. it broke my wish. i sing in my dream, pretending that my heart is still free.

想去麦当劳打工，可是妈妈的一句“有工夫先把书读好”击碎了我所有的幻想。

i want to work in mcdonald's, but my mother's saying "read the book first if you have time" breaks all my fantasies.

11月的日记写着：

the diary of november reads:

因为和朋友聚会回家晚而挨骂了。我讨厌这样的束缚，我是个大人了，懂得注意安全，我不要他们为我担心！

i was scolded for coming home late with my friends. i hate such bondage. i am an adult. i know how to pay attention to safety. i don't want them to worry about me!

妈妈说一个月之内不准我再和朋友出去玩儿。电话那头，朋友连连道歉，我却只有苦笑。

my mother said that i would not go out with my friends for another month. at the other end of the phone, friends apologized, but i only smiled bitterly.

我的要求并不奢侈，我只是想要我该有的自由！竟如此之艰难？

my request is not luxury, i just want my freedom! how hard is it？

12月的日记写着：

december's diary reads:

功课很忙，但我忙里偷闲看着自己喜欢的书，写着自己的心情故事。最近学习成绩不理想这我知道，爸妈始终没有好脸色，他们偏要弄清我在写些什么，可我实在没有把故事给别人看的习惯，于是这一切便成了“偷偷摸摸”，多刺耳的字眼！

i'm busy with my homework, but i'm busy reading my favorite books and writing my own mood stories. i know that my parents have never had a good face. they just want to find out what i'm writing, but i really don't have the habit of showing stories to others, so all this has become "furtive" and harsh words!

泪水沾湿了被窝。难道我不可以有自己的隐私吗？隐私就是“偷偷摸摸”的同义词？

tears wet the bed. can't i have my own privacy？ is privacy synonymous with "furtive"？

我并不认为那些不属于教学范围的书就是“野书”、“闲书”，它们给了我很多很多。

i don't think those books that don't belong to the scope of teaching are "wild books" and "idle books". they give me a lot.

1月的日记写着：

the diary of january reads:

理发店里“人头济济”，妈妈要我“灵活机动”地插队，我不愿意，总要有个先来后到呀！妈妈直着嗓门说：“看看你，在外边那么没用，不就占个位子吗！”当时，我多想逃出门去啊！大家都望过来，妈妈却还自以为得意。我不吭声，她竟接着数落：“有这等的工夫，还不如回家做作业呢！”是的，我是没有勇气为了抢个先而与别人争，那是因为我有自尊。

the barber shop is full of people. my mother wants me to jump in the line flexibly. i don't want to. i have to come first and come later! mom said in a straight voice, "look at you. it's useless outside. don't you just take a seat!" at that time, how i wanted to escape from the door! everyone looked over, but my mother thought she was proud. i didn't say a word, but she went on and said, "it's better to go home and do homework with such time!" yes, i don't have the courage to compete with others for the first place. that's because i have self-esteem.

为什么妈妈不理解我的心情？我可以没有一切，但我得有自尊！我多么不希望妈妈被人看成是一个庸俗的小市民。

why doesn't mom understand my mood？ i can not have everything, but i have to have self-esteem! how i don't want my mother to be regarded as a vulgar citizen.

……

.

我轻轻地翻看着心爱的日记，其中有一页被撕去了，留下一片空白。

i gently look at my beloved diary, one of which has been torn, leaving a blank.

我想起了那天，撕掉的那一页日记在阳台上晾着——是我用泪水一个字一个字写下的，后来被一阵风吹走了。那天我终于和妈妈吵架了，因为她看了我的日记，我实在无法忍受她的这种“关爱”。

i remember that day, the torn page of diary was hanging on the balcony - i wrote it in tears, word by word, and then it was blown away by a gust of wind. i finally quarreled with my mother that day, because she read my diary, i can't stand her "love".

现在我好想看看那一页日记，也许是我太想看一看当时那任性而又不懂事的我了。如果谁捡到了请寄给我。

now i really want to see that page of diary. maybe i want to see that wayward and ignorant me too much. if anyone finds it, please send it to me.

我又开始写日记了。今天的日记写着：

i started to keep a diary again. today's diary reads:

现在想想，我可能是大以自我为中心了，任何事情都用自己心中的尺度来衡量，也许于别人来说是不公平的。不让我去打工是怕我被那里炸东西的机器烫伤；骂我晚归是担心我的安全；不让我“分心”是为了我的学业；当众的教训是为了不让我浪费时间并且锻炼我的能力……后悔那天的冲撞，想说对不起，却缺乏面对的勇气。亲情是需要相互理解的，在不断的磨合中我成长着。

now think about it, i may be self-centered. everything is measured by the scale in my heart. maybe it is unfair to others. i am not allowed to work because i am afraid of being scalded by the explosion machine; i am scolded for coming back late because i am worried about my safety; i am not "distracted" because of my studies; the public lesson is to prevent me from wasting time and exercising my ability regret that day's collision, want to say sorry, but lack the courage to face. family love needs mutual understanding, and i grow up in constant running in.

我想我是长大了，在亲情的温暖中逐渐地和蓝天靠近、靠近……

i think i have grown up, and gradually close to the blue sky in the warmth of family

路很长，但我不怕，我已经做好了准备。

it's a long way, but i'm not afraid. i'm ready.