让梦飞翔

光，照在镜子上，镜子把它聚积折射在我身上。我，在这光束织成的小天地中来回穿梭编织一个个彷徨不定的青春之梦。

light, on the mirror, the mirror reflects it on me. i, in this light beam woven into a small world shuttle weave a wandering dream of youth.

——题记

-- inscription

一个没有月亮的暗夜，我走在灯影下，忽然闻到一股陌生、悲寂的气息。郁闷随之而来。好想长大，走过这无聊、乏味的豆蔻年华。我以窗为镜，一个平凡的身影出现眼前，痘满面，身材走样，哎，活脱脱一个丑小鸭！

a dark night without the moon, i walked under the shadow of the light, suddenly smelling a strange, sad and silent breath. depression follows. i really want to grow up and go through this boring and boring nutmeg time. i take the window as the mirror, an ordinary figure appears in front of me, full of pimples, and the figure is out of shape!

蓦然似乎听到一个来自遥远地方的声音在呼唤，我贸贸然回首。被眼前美轮美奂的景象惊呆了，流星，呀，流星！我想许个美丽的愿望，可是许愿的时间已经在诧异中悄然逝去，流星划破无边的夜空，消失在天的尽头。我不觉落泪了，怕是这自怨自艾的脆弱的心灵碎了，碎成了这滴落的泪珠吧。我惋惜这易逝的、短暂的美丽，是否我的生命也应该如此璀璨一回？这样的灿烂，我曾经有过吗？

suddenly, it seems that a voice from a distant place is calling, and i look back abruptly. stunned by the beautiful scene, meteor, ah, meteor! i want to make a beautiful wish, but the time for making a wish has passed quietly in surprise. the meteor has cut through the boundless night sky and disappeared at the end of the sky. i don't feel the tears, i'm afraid it's the fragile soul of self pity that broke into the tears. i regret the fleeting and short-lived beauty. should my life be so bright again？ have i ever had such a brilliant time？

我被自己囚禁在自卑的牢笼里了，找不到走出来的方向。心痛得麻木，茫然，痛得不知所措。我就这样呆坐在窗前许久、许久……

i was imprisoned by myself in a cage of inferiority. i couldn't find my way out. heartache numb, at a loss, pain at a loss. i just sit in front of the window for a long time, a long time

不知过了多久，曙光照开了我惺忪的睡眼。我深深地呼吸了一下窗外新鲜的空气，走到镜前，舒展双臂，长长地伸个懒腰。仍旧平凡无比的我，忽然间，展开一个奇异的笑容，镜中的我似乎陡然亮丽了起来，像一只振翅欲飞的蝴蝶，充满了生长的激情与活力。我的眼前忽然浮现出流星璀璨光芒照亮夜空的那一瞬间……

i don't know how long, the dawn opened my bleary eyes. i took a deep breath of the fresh air out of the window, went to the mirror, stretched my arms out, and stretched myself long. i, still ordinary and incomparable, suddenly opened a strange smile. in the mirror, i seemed suddenly bright, like a butterfly fluttering its wings, full of growing passion and vitality. my eyes suddenly appear a meteor bright light to illuminate the night sky that moment

一切尽在不言中，我张开手掌，把金色的阳光小心翼翼地捧着，两手弯曲，折合成心形，对着镜子、对着自己！

all in silence, i opened my hand, holding the golden sunshine carefully, bending my hands, folding them into a heart, facing the mirror and myself!

让梦飞翔

let dreams fly

我生活在自我小天地间。

i live in my own little world,

忧伤、自卑是我的衣裳。

sorrow and inferiority are my clothes,

有一天，曙光照射在我的身上。

one day, the dawn fell on me,

击碎了我的忧伤。

i have broken my sorrow,

于是我张开了翅膀。

so i spread my wings,

冲出自我的牢房

out of my cell

任由丝丝阳光

let the sun shine

编织新的梦想

weave a new dream

我展翅飞翔。

i fly,

与梦想同行！

go with your dream!

——后记

postscript

名师点评：

comments on famous teachers:

本篇考场佳作的小作者善于创设情境，细致描绘。

the author of this paper is good at creating situations and describing them carefully.

一、我们可以把文章看作电影镜头定格的两幅画面，一幅画面色调阴暗、气氛沉闷，展现一个苦闷、彷徨、自卑的“自我”，另一幅画面则色调明丽，感情激昂，展现了一个充满活力与激情，获得新生的“自我”，对比鲜明，形象地表现了话题“走出自我小天地”。

1、 we can regard the article as two pictures of the fixed frame of the film lens, one picture is dark in color and dull in atmosphere, showing a "self" of depression, hesitation and inferiority, the other picture is bright in color and passionate in emotion, showing a "self" full of vitality and passion, gaining new life, showing vividly the topic "going out of the small world of self" 。

二、我们可以把小作者看作“意识流”的写作高手。文章细腻的笔触，描绘“我”的一举一动，更是大段的描摹自己的心理活动，描写对象单一，但笔法灵活，毫无重复之感。

2、 we can think of small writers as "stream of consciousness" writers. the delicate strokes of the article describe every move of "i", and also describe their psychological activities in a large section. the description object is single, but the strokes are flexible and there is no sense of repetition.

三、我们慨叹小作者构思的匠心独运。文章的题记和后记遥相呼应，使文章浑然天成。题记中的感情显得孤独、苦闷，而后记诗歌则总结全文，画龙点睛，表达出要实现人生价值，积极向上的精神。

3、 we lament the ingenuity of the author's ideas. the inscription and postscript of the article correspond to each other, making the article natural. the feelings in the inscription are lonely and depressing, while the poems in the postscript summarize the full text and make the finishing point, expressing the spirit of realizing the value of life and being positive.

亮点：创设情境冲破束缚

highlight: create a situation to break through the shackles